Sunday, April 29, 2007

yoga classes reasoning

There were times when my friends would have asked me, "Why do you opt to do Yoga?" and I couldn't find the answer. The right answer. By right, I mean a witty one. A witty, pop-culture-affected, non-girly one. The 'me' one.

I might have said, "To have something to talk about with Madonna." Not true. I already have so much to talk about with Madonna. "To be able to twist and turn myself like Nick Beyeler." Then we would talk about Nick Beyeler rather than yoga since I'm sure not so many people know him. Especially in my close circle. (Oh my God. He doesn't even have a Wikipedia entry on him!)

"To be able not to use staggered breathing (whatever supposed-to-mean is that) while singing with any choir." Argh, choir schmoir. Unlike CC White, I can't say, "It's all over.." regarding that trauma just yet. "Just to relax and have a synchronized body-mind-soul system in me." This might come in handy when an instructor suddenly quizzes us. "So that my highkicks will be as awesome as Hugh Jackman's." No one's anything can be as awesome as Hugh Jackman's.

Needless to say that those answers are not quite right. Not witty enough. Not me enough. And finally, after watching the first episode of Entourage season 3, I found the answer. I fucking found it. So, next time somebody asks me why I do yoga for, I will say,

"To be available in case Jeremy Piven needs a body double."

Jeremy Piven doing yoga on EntourageHe doesn't at the moment (or any moment), though. And I just can't pull that for-pete's-sake-it's-so-difficult-and-he-even-has-like-a-hundred-and-ten-pounds-on-me pose quite yet.

Damn you, Piven. Wait and see, mate. Wait and see.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

white rubber band as dress code - idol top 6

Will you watch the result show, oops, I mean Idol gives back tomorrow? If you will, there will be a certain dress code that you need to oblige. You need to accessorize yourself minimally with a white rubber band. It doesn't really matter whether you wear it on your right or left hand, as long as you have one attached to it.

At least that is what the contestants did tonight. And the judges. I'm not sure about Ryan Seacrest since unlike Clark Kent sans glasses, I don't have infra-red vision. But one thing for sure: I can't remember whether Lakisha Jones wears one or not. Hmm...

OK. Let's play one-word correlation thingie. I'm gonna write something, and then I'm gonna write the first word coming to my mind. Yes, I'd like to play with myself. Not a big secret, don't you think?

First. Blake Lewis. Bland.

Lakisha Jones. Out.

Phil Stacey. Woohooo (is that a word?)

Melinda Dolittle. As always.

Jordin Sparks. Last note.

Last. Chris Richardson. Yeah, baby.

I have an extra white rubber band. Somebody needs one?

Whopppeeeeee .... errrrrr

It was Sunday, as I recall. Not raining, not burning hot, average mediocre temperature in a tropical city of Jakarta.

A young boy, aged 9, alone, walked into a fast-food restaurant. It was his favourite. He walked semi-confidently to the counter, which was now 3 meters in front of him, and stood only 10 centimeters shorter than he was. There was no line in front of the counter. Not so many people prefered burger as their meal that year or ever. On the counter waited a young man, probably twenty-something, with a uniform and a pin on his left chest that said "Burger King".

Our boy arrived at the counter and was greeted, "May I help you?" asked the man on the counter. Our boy then said, "Yes, please. I would like one double whopper. One double cheeseburger. Two milkshakes; one vanilla and one strawberry. And a portion of your onion rings." Their onion rings was the best, he thought.

Instead of punching the buttons on his cashier machine, the guy wearing Burger King pin on the counter, with God-only-knows intentions, asked our boy, "How much money do you have with you, then?" He decorated this question with a smirk. You know, a regular Indonesian smirk which is so freakishly easy to be mistaken as a smile.

Our boy (I tell you again), who was nine, without any bitchiness grown or fed into him, could only say, "I have some." I kinda forgot what happened afterwards. But transaction somehow was successfully made. The cashier guy might have had him show his money and then started punching that cashier machine and gave him what he wanted.

Or in the utopian world, the cashier perhaps realized that it was rude to behave like that and it was clearly a mistake to think that a 9-year-old boy couldn't afford a lunch for two. At a Burger fucking King.

Some years later, after this traumatic incident, the boy returned to the same restaurant. This time he knew, he could afford all he wanted for lunch. And if there was to be another question similar to the one that he had, he would simply be spiteful and degrading. He prepared and gathered all of his courage to be so, only to be utterly shocked to find that he was walking into an empty spot.

There were chairs and tables there, but certainly there were no men and women working behind the counter with pins that said Burger King. The restaurant no longer operated in this very place, and to be more general in the country that he lived. He never heard of that.

Burger King stayed as his favourite fast food restaurant though, despite the ugly incident.

Burger King adsSo it is only natural if I was so excited this morning to see this advertisement on the left in a famous local newspaper. And tomorrow or some days soon in the future, the boy will visit this restaurant again, after all these years.

This time, should questions or smirks like that be asked, there will definitely be a scene unraveled in front of the counter, and it won't be a lovingly PG-13-rated one.

I hope I got smirked though. And I hope I can return the smirk with something offensively equal. I owe it to the boy that much.

Enjoy your double whopper, little boy.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

today's one liner

Yeah, I kinda figured out that these things would happen eventually.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

but I need you, I need a hand ...

... if I am to enter this contest.

I know, I'm (or we're) not eligible or something, but it will be really fun, right? Right, mate, friend, chap, gal, lass?

Let's do it .. the more the merrier, the sillier the better. Huehehehheee..

a little bit country - idol top 7

I was wondering how American Idol would have gone tonight. With the massacre and all, and I kinda think that it's everything that people talk about, feel about, occupy their minds with. And we are gonna cheer exuberantly in a matter of minutes just for the sake of it?

Deepest condolences to the affected of the tragedy. One Indonesian student is a victim, FYI. But I guess you all know that by now.

I'm glad, that I finally get a chance to see who Martina McBride is. Carrie Underwood notes her as her most favouritest influentialest country singer. So since I thought Carrie is kinda an awesome country singer, "How awesome is Ms McBride?", I asked myself. Superawesome is the word.

Is there still a head-to-head battle between Melinda Doolittle and Lakisha Jones to see? Hmm .. The drama that may accompany such battle may have been dwindling in the past few weeks. I think Melinda has successfully become the David of the battle, had this been a battle between David and Goliath (come to think of it, voice wise, I think it's been the battle between Goliath and Goliath. Voice wise guys, voice wise..).

Melinda keeps doing smart decisions. Period. And I got back to thinking that during that first performance of Lakisha ever, it was the song that kinda carried her through.

Today, while Lakisha was struggling to [insert word which means opposite of to tame] that Carrie Underwood's song, Melinda manages to give us another performance that reminds us why she is Melinda Doolittle. This is country night, but it feels like Aretha night, or Gladys night (oh, the pun) or other soulful female singers. Awesome job, Melinda.

Speaking about turning country to their own, Blake Lewis also sings pretty well. And that pretty jumper is so pretty. I wonder what else I can write to accommodate the word pretty again. Pretty face?

Coming back from sucky Latin night are Jordin Sparks and Phil Stacey. Wait. Jordin didn't suck last week.. Hmm.. And I stood by Phil last week too. It was only the night that sucked big time. Hehehe..

But anyway, some weeks ago, Randy said that Jordin might be the most improved contestant. And I agree to that tonight, because her lower register is great now. And her performance is really enjoyable to watch. Not Melinda enjoyable, but still, enjoyable. And she took fashion advice from Uli Herzner, I think.

Now Phil. I hope he stays for another week. I thought this was his time to go. And I was ready to let go. I kinda have to find a rebound contestant to rebound to, though (and I think I found it in Jordin), but then, he performs really well. But if he doesn't go home tomorrow, I think ....

Chris Richardson is gonna go home. Now Chris is affected. As a Virginia resident. I'm sure he is, outta all the contestants, affected the most by the tragedy. He got this, I-don't-wanna-be-here face. Or I-don't-care-with-what-you-are-saying-Simon gesture. And I-wanna-go-see-my-friends-ASAP look. Heck, his voice even shakes when he speaks after the performance.

I still don't know how affected he is, but my heart goes with you, Chris.

Now. Sanjaya Malakar. Hmm .. One thing: I have been trying shamelessly and very hard (believe me) to try to pull off a look using a bandana (or some people call it, mandana) on my head. If it takes a hair like you to be able to successfully pull it off, OK, enough trying for me.

Lakisha is in danger. But I'm afraid it's gonna be Chris.

Monday, April 16, 2007

the tale of two classes, part zwei

Despite the fact that I stated that I will join the next week BodyBalance class, I found myself shamelessly in the next available one: on Saturday. This time, not the instructor who hates me, but a guy in the class. He doesn't really hate me, per se, but weirdly looking at my poses longer (and more pretentiously) than he probably should.

In the locker room, he started a conversation, "So. I assume you have been taking the BodyBalance class like ever." I coyly said, "Nah. Today's only my second.." It's true and I continued, "I do take a lot of Yoga classes, though.." And the guy, God bless him, and I don't know whether he has been to one of Yoga classes or not said, "Yeah. It's similar, right?"

Similar? Well, BodyBalance was conceived using Yoga as one of the ingredients. BodyBalance uses a bit of Yoga postures and technique, but similarity is not really the key though.

If Yoga and BodyBalance were siblings, Yoga would be Nicky, BodyBalance would be Paris. Of the Hiltons.

Yoga is the more subtle, subdued, off-the-spotlight sister. She is also (allegedly) the smarter one or the one with more brain. She is quiet, shy, and often being misunderstood. She looks boring, conventional, but actually tough to break.

I know a lot of people who see Yoga with one of their eyes closed (this is an Indonesian idiom, means taking something not seriously). But believe me, Yoga is one of the toughest exercise forms ever invented, if you do it seriously and correctly. I always left the class with sweat all over and muscles being worked.

Yoga streches a lot, trains your flexibility, balance, breathing technique and concentration. It helps you fix your posture. It even helps me making the most of my workouts, now.

Now BodyBalance is the spotlight-and-tabloid-hogging, (allegedly) hip, loud sister. She is current and up-to-date. If she walks, the soundtrack of her walk would be like the tracks from the current top 40s. She also likes breaks some rules and is relatively easy-to-break.

Since it's borrowing some routines in Yoga, BodyBalance trains flexibility and balance as well. However, I don't think that you can get most of Yoga's benefit by solely doing BodyBalance. Just because positions were not hold long enough, concentration is not that important, and the breathing is far too fast.

So which do I prefer, then. I prefer hanging out with Yoga most of my time, and adding (adding! not substituting!) it with BodyBalance once in a while. After all, it never hurts when we hang out with the (allegedly) cooler one once a week (I still think Yoga is much cooler because it's more challenging).

Last sentence. Yesterday, at tennis, I tried to apply basic Pranayama while hitting the balls. And what do you know, I hit a lot of pretty good groundstrokes! I've never hit pretty good ones before. And I played for 1 hour, and did just fine!

I owe you one, Nic.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

saturday morning's confession

OK. Take a deep breath. It's OK .. It's grandiosely OK. It's not a big problem. I just need to type some characters. Inhale. Exhale. I'm doing yoga, for God's sake. So, I am supposed to be fully relaxed and exceptionally adept to write that thing down. So I put my fingers on my keyboard. And here goes..

Yesterday, I can barely fit myself on a pair of my favorite funky trousers that I bought in Germany around 8 months ago. *sigh*

Cue the gasp.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

the tale of two classes

I kinda have a feeling that my Body-fucking-Balance instructor hates me. He fucking hates me.

Based on one-hundred-percent courtesy he asked us in the beginning of the class, "Who from any of you is a first timer here." I kinda want to scream Monica-like, "I am! I am!", but instead I just proudly raised my hands up high. I needed the stretching anyway. So he said something like, "For the two of you, .." there are two newbies in the class, ".. try to always look at me when doing any choreography. I will always give any options for each advanced movements and positions. So don't worry and think everything will be too hard."

It turns out, I already master most of these "advanced positions", or in my dictionary, the positions that need extra work. You know, like tree pose, eagle pose, trikonasana, wheel pose, and warrior III, to name a few. Thanks to my mean-but-the-best-yoga-instructor-ever yoga instructor and three weeks of having four yoga classes in a week.

I'm not saying that I am exceptional in these poses, no. But the fact that I could hold tree pose much longer and much more balanced than most of the class and even the instructor, kinda gave him a bitch-slap I think. The fact that I was one of the only three that succeeded posing a wheel, kinda gave him the impression that I was a show-off.

If I were him, I would come up to me after class and say, "First timer, huh? First timer my ass. Get the hell out of my class you show-off!"

To make things clear, I wasn't showing off. I only wanted to capitalize some hundreds of thousands of money that I paid to join this class.

So I'll come again next week. I'm still going to do the best I can (which is, again, I tell you, much better than most of the class). Not showing-off. Just because.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

JLo bo (read: JLow bow) - idol top 8

I'm so sorry .. I can't write a damn thing this week. I am so mesmerized by the coolness of JLo, I can't write a single thing commenting on the performances. I forgot that JLo is so cool, it sucks all the coolness of the kids, and I forgot to care about the performance.

I remember one thing though. I like Jordin Sparks' performance the most.

Monday, April 09, 2007

flapping wings of the pageant boys

I know. It's late. I'm a bit behind on this. But after watching Tara Conner some time a year ago on Project Runway and then her again later on Miss World 2006, I started to realize the reason why there is such phrase as "pageant girls". Or why Simon Cowell might have said, "The performance is too pageant-y." I get it now.

Anyway. Thanks to that and a bit of JonBenét Ramsey's scandal and Little Miss Sunshine, I know now that pageant girls always have this aura of trained mannerisms, this-is-how-I-should-do-it smiles, memorized answers (they can memorize!), and pageant (duh) gestures. You know, the standard fanning-out-your-face-when-your-name-is-called routine, the hands-on-the-cheeks surprised act, or the blow-your-kiss-and-wave choreography.

Thanks to thousands of hours of practicing in front of a mirror.

But how about the pageant boys, then?

Because of my curiosity, I regretfully admit that I spent two hours of my not-really-precious time to see the Mr. World 2007 broadcast, just to know those mannerisms. I wouldn't talk about the show though, otherwise I will turn to a negatively condescending asshole. Well, a bit further asshole than what I already am.

So. What are the routines similar to flapping wings of a turkey when they are ready eager to mate worthy to be documented and featured in a program on Discovery Channel for these boys?

1. The I Love You All Greet. From a standing still position, proceed by putting half your palms in front of your hips. Palms face up. And then according to the tempo of your music, lift the palm up as high as your waist. Continue the motion by opening your arms until your palms are parallel with your waist. Bring your palm down. Don't lock the elbows. The crowd will go nuts.

2. The I Can't Believe They Think I'm Hotter Than Mr. Whatever Country Who Stands Beside Me Hug. Act surprised. Clap hands once or twice. Face your neighbour. Give him a manly man hug. By manly man I mean right hand over his left shoulder, left hand a bit under his underarm. Pat his back with both hands shortly once or twice. Head goes to your left.

3. The I am the Chosen One Celebration. Make a clenched fist. Bring it as high as your ears while bending your elbow. With a sudden movement, bring your elbow down to your ribs. Yell, "Yeah!" or "Yes!" or "Hrrr!" or "Wohoo..!" (for boyish charm) while doing this. But never "Oh my God!". Tips: Don't yell it orgasmically. Use both fists to make it more dramatic. Tilt your head back a bit for naturalness effect.

4. The Everybody's a Winner Clap. Ah, well, just clap hands and make some faces. You're in pageant. They all think you're all winners.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

the birth of Sanjayuniverse - idol top 9

I think Randy Jackson should (have) be(en) my favourite judge on American Idol. Not because of the things that he says, but because how influential he is in my way of life. Well, not life per se, but I remember clearly that I talked to my friends abusing the words baby, dawg, a'ight, you know, all those Randyism.

That's all in the past now. Locked safe in the vault, properly labeled "What was I thinking?".

But these days, Randyism is kinda showing his naked face back to my life. It's something that Randy said in the last show though. When he implied that he wouldn't comment on Sanjaya Malakar's vocals anymore.

Same thing happens to me. And later on I find out to one of my friends. As to think who would go home each episode, I have already counted out Sanjaya. Eh? Yeah, I think he will be there week after week after week.

I thought Phil Stacey would have gone home tonight. I was ready to bawl like a friend losing a friend, but no, Gina Glocksen went home. So I can only bawl like a cheated lover. OK, strike that "only".

Phil and Gina and Haley Scarnato, the bottom three were indeed the worst performers of the night. But I really think that Gina was the best and Phil was the worst. What's with Haley? She keeps hanging by a thread for another week. This time she brought her ultimate weapon though: her fiance! Mother of God.

Melinda Doolittle, how're you? Lakisha Jones, how're you? They're both doing pretty very well, still. Are they peaking too early? I am kinda afraid they are. One of them will be voted off in the top 4. The curse will be back. I'm getting superstitious. Do superstitious thing on this week if you want to keep them in the competition.

Chris Richardson plays his funky card. Still like him. Still hoping that he can do well regardless the outcome of the idol. Not really sure about that hat, though..

Jordin Sparks sings grandly. By grand I mean cabaret. But Paula was right. She is a lot of fun. I think she can be my new Gina for the rest of the season, then.

I kinda enjoy the first performance by Blake Lewis. And I kinda have no comment further because I kinda forget how it went, and my back kinda hurt because I stretched my back muscle a bit too far when I practiced serving today.

So. Try to like Monday tomorrow!

early stupid sunday morning

I have had two consecutively bad nights this week. On Thursday and Friday night, I can't sleep earlier than midnight.

On Thursday, the fact that Speedy is a lot faster at night contributed to the fact that I was sleeping at around 1 am. To be awaken again at around 5:30 am, that is.

On Friday, since I slept inadequately on Thursday, I took a nap. And it went longer than I was expecting. So I slept (again) later than midnight.

Today, I needed to be in some place at 8 sharp. I have scheduled to be awaken at 5 am, and I need at least 8 hours of sleeping, so I need to go to bed at 9 pm. Yeah, it was Saturday night, and I'm closing things up at 9 pm sharp. What a dork. It wasn't working, though. But I managed to sleep at 10.

So what am I doing in front of my laptop at 04:11 am Sunday?

I blame the annoyingly blaring sounds from a nearby mosque. OK, I get it, they only have the best intentions in mind. But can't they realize that people have alarm clock at home? I pity the guy actually. I mean he didn't realize that he annoys people by turning the volume up to the almost-unacceptable limit. And I can't recall ever that annoying people will do you good.

Once I read somewhere, "You have good intentions. But people are not judged by their intentions. Only their actions." How about that Mosqueman?

To put myself back to sleep, I took two tests at (yeah, it's been a while).

And, no, I'm not bummed that I wasn't Peter Petrelli. He's too unstable to be me. Hehehe..

Talking about stable .. err, Isaac? :)

Enjoy the rest of the weekend.

Saturday, April 07, 2007

that rat named gonzales

I am now a proud member of Speedy users. Trying to be contented with 1 gigabyte per month. Sigh.

It's not even a week, and see how I have spent my quota.

Fucking A.

Monday, April 02, 2007

idol top 10

Tonight is kinda cool. Not cool for the performances and all, but simply because Gwen Stefani is there. Some hours before I watched the show, I watched an E! feature about Beyoncé and learned that she actually created an alter ego for herself called Sasha to perform on the stage. Sasha courageously flirts, twirls, shakes, well, pretty much does anything what we believe Beyoncé was doing.

So seeing Gwen Stefani tonight was kinda confirming. I really think now that Gwen on-stage is truly an alter ego. I mean look at how the way she speaks for God's sake. She's so articulate, cutesy, girly, and ... blonde.

How's the kids?

Hmm .. Melinda Doolittle vs Lakisha Jones showdown. Funny funny funny. Believe it or not, they both picked Donna Summers' songs. Thank God they were different ones, otherwise people will compare them both more and more and more. While typing "people", I was screaming, "Count me in!!", by the way.

Lakisha chose that song sung by Brenna Gethers in season 5. Melinda chose that song sung by Diana DeGarmo in season 3. Between the two, I like Lakisha better because ... (get this) she sang it better than Brenna. Ah, well. That's what happens when you picked previously-sung songs, girls.

I kinda regret that I decided to watch Peter Petrelli's hair rather than Sanjaya Malakar's. His hair tonight was awesome. Well, yes, of course it was very costume-y and all, but awesome. It was so roman. Meaning, it reminds me a lot to that brush the romans use on their helmets. And I'm all about roman accessories. (BTW, I'm still looking for a pair of roman sandals. Please let me know if you see a pair.)

Grouping themselves to suckdom tonight were Haley Scarnato and Chris Sligh. Personally I believe it's time time time for Haley to go home. Again, if she survives this one, I will really expose my urge to meet her fanbase. Unbelieavable. But it's 100% okay if Chris Sligh is the one actually going home. You know what, he's been weeks and weeks being told that he was never on-beat. And last night, I witness it, FINALLY! Why he chooses that song with the funny beat, I will never know.

I said previously that Phil Stacey needed a fashion advice. His fashion was kinda OK tonight. He has therefore a bit more oomph and coolness. A bit. Fashion-wise. BUT then he needs make-up advice. His make up definitely never heard of HDTV-ready. Ouch.

Speaking of make-up, I love love love Blake Lewis's hair tonight. I wish I could pull it off. But problem is, I don't have Blake's jaw and Blake's wider head. And my hair is thinning. Cue the tears.

Chris Richardson and Jordin Sparks have No Doubt in their minds. I like it and I don't really like it, respectively. Chris (again) reminds us of last season's Elliott Yamin's coolness by rearranging "Don't Speak" to an R&B joint kinda thing. While Jordin reminds us how Paris Bennett was praised last season when she sang Beyoncé, but both performances (Jordin's and Paris's) have no appeal on me, actually. I don't know. Maybe 17-something female contestant will never be found appealing for me.

Oh, by the way. I need to squeeze some thoughts in this blog rather than just idol idol idol. I mean, really. It's not like that I'm obsessed or something .. is it?