Monday, January 29, 2007


ACHTUNG: Profane Language and Sarcasm Included

I have made peace with myself. Finally revelations came one by one to my face and I think that my stress finally eases. And no yoga involved. Yet. Hehehe.. Not until that bloke I went out with last weekend does his promise. And having known him for almost thirteen years, that promise may come in a very expandable while. Sigh.

A friend of mine told me that I should have tied all the untied knots for my first source of stress, i.e. contacting some people that I strongly hate, just in order to tell them what I really think about the whole problem. Well, I made a deal with myself this weekend by saying that I ain't doing it.

There are just too many reasons behind the decision that I made. I won't say the reasons because it is impossible to say what those are without inflicting any names. But let's say it like this: it is one of the times that you think that it is impossible to deal with people because they are stubbornly idolizing something fake and unessential, spoiled, utterly defensive, and unconditionally short of common sense. Oh, and of course, two things that rhyme with cupid and prosthetic. You just can't have a healthy argument or even a discussion. Everything turns to something pointless and useless and time-wasting. Fuck.

I've been fooled, that's for sure. Maybe now people are now snickering because of that, but luckily, I think the people who does that are the people that I couldn't and wouldn't care less, so I don't think that matters. Borrowing a part of an almost overused proverb: Fool me once, shame on you. Well, shame on you. But shame on me too. For not developing guts and instincts early in the game. My mistake. My fool.

So yes, I made peace. Even though I think that the last choir that I sang with is not only the most (if not one of the most) unprofessional group that I have been working with (or in this case, that last word should be "for"), but also manipulative, likes to take advantage of people, and run by the people who really think that they are above the others (why they think that, beats me), I case-closed-ly say that all things are settled. At least with myself.

Ergo lot, I won't talk about this fiasco no more, unless it will be useful to relate to when such debacle will rise again sometime in the future. Fuck. I hope not, though.


For the other stress, I am amazed actually for the fact that I again finally found someone who turns out to be someone who's far from my early expectation. Who knew that a person who's so solemn and looks unknowledgeable, ignorant, and lives in their own world, may turn to be one of the most insightful, right-on-the-money, and worthy adviser. And knowledgeable.

I'm so glad I was able to find a chance to talk to them. Not for the sake of gossiping per se, but with a clear intention of getting their thoughts. I'm not saying I was looking for a second opinion or someone to agree with, I just wanted to know their position on this situation. I know that the parties that are involved with this don't communicate with them (the person I talked to), so for me, that would give them a fair chance to weigh things on their own.

This situation was clear. First, I should should should should give a lot of my friends a lot more credits than what I have been giving them. More. Credits. Gosh, I befriend a girl who would die hearing me saying that credit word. She would think that she could twist it into a Visa advertisement running on TV, hence implement it to me and I'd go bankrupt.

Second, believe in yourself. That if you think that you are normal and agree with a lot of people most of the times. That means in this case, if someone did something that they think it was right according to their values, and you think it was totally wrong, that doesn't mean that you're all alone at the other side of that person's spectrum. It may turn out, like in my case, that you'll find more people at that side of your spectrum. So believe in your side of spectrum. Why are we suddenly talking about rainbows?

Third, just have fun. I mean, this whole thing is all about fun anyway. At least for now. No matter what decision you are (I am) basing on, it is supposed to count fun in.


Other stress matter was more or less settled when I successfully purchased the thing shown in this picture.

See? Ain't it beautiful?

I didn't realize that I can be stressed for the fact that Dreamgirls was not getting the attention that it was supposed to get, at least in my book of life. But then again, I don't need people to concur with me on everything, right?

I just felt that Dreamgirls was totally not-(yet)-appreciated. It is fair, though since I got disappointment throughout watching the movie. But still, a nod at least? An earlier showtime than weird movies whose titles I have never heard of ever? A feature in magazines, newspapers, or other media?

So now, my Dreamgirls are complete. At least for now I can meet them every time I need them. Like at least tens of hours a day. And who knows that maybe someday I can move synchronously with them subconsciously. *wink*

That question on when it's gonna be on theaters is kinda answered though. At least Singapore-wise.

Isn't it dreadful?

Lastly, happy twenty seven, me. You said life is one fucking ugly bitch, right? But don't forget that you said that you love that bitch no matter what.

Cheers. Here's to life.


mellyana said...

elu ulangtaunan?

Bie said...

yep. like last week.