melancholy on steroids

Current books read: High Fidelity by Nick Hornby

Judged by three (once) best friends of mine basing their judgment on Personality Plus by Florence Littauer, I came out as a sanguine-melancholic lad. I'd like to leave the sanguine side at home for today, and tag along the melancholic for the rest of the day.

I think people should know when to stop. They sometimes should just stop dreaming, reaching, doing stuff that is making them less preferable, or simply the stuff that they don't like or even like. I should stop. I should stop doing some things. Things which are kinda stupid and will eat me out for instance.

For a start. I should stop mumbling when talking to other people. I should say things clearly everytime I think of something and talking like I was in an interview. Or the days I had my presentations. Or the day I would win the Oscar. Gosh. It's impossible to win an Oscar if I kept mumbling. Imagine how the captions on websites will look like. "I think it's a great honor to [inaudible for 45 seconds]". Duh?

The reason for mumbling is that I care too much to what other people think about the things that I said. I should stop that. I should stop negotiating my own brain to think the best policy when it comes to communicating with people. Last night during a bus ride, there was a loaded guy who asked a cute girl he doesn't know, whether she watches football. The girl answered with a simple, "Absolutely not. I don't care about football even just a pint of it." And they ended up with having a good time on the bus with each other. And by time, I mean conversation and keep your dirty thoughts in the bottom drawer of the bathroom closet, please.

If she were me, or if I were her, I would have negotiated myself to answer the question that would make me look interested in the conversation. It may be kinda fake. But I just want the person to like me. Typical sanguine. I should stop doing that as well. Correction. I have stopped doing that. Now one of the concrete things to do is telling what I thought inside.

I should stop trying and give up talking in British accent. It's making me tired. Not tired of talking in such a way, but tired of repeating what I said. It's because (a) people are not so familiar with British accent, or (b) my accent sucks. I mean my pseudo-accent. I'm leaning towards b, though. But it's kinda difficult to drop. I like talking in British accent. I like the challenge to not speaking in American accent eventhough it is deadly difficult. I can talk all night saying "Monica daalin.." and so on. But I would NEVER EVER talk English in Indonesian accent. EVER.

I should also stop thinking that I am special. Come to think of it, I know for a fact that everyone is special. Each person is special in their own way. If the whole world is made up of special people, doesn't that mean that we are all ordinary?

And finally, I think I should stop writing post-emotional-breakdown, or private and subjective, or non-sensible entries like this. That means