the dodol in indodol

Every guy who just lost something valuable in his life needs consolation, right. Now this guy, (ouch, that's me) lost his favourite show on telly last week. And eventhough it was then still aired for another week, the guy (still me) lost every barrel of motivation for watching it. If he didn't have one last entry to write, he would have decided to call it quits.

But this week, the show is officially over. So the guy is reeeeeaaaaally in dire needs of consoling.

He may have found it in Indonesian Idol, shown tonight on local TV. And between the male host (who apparently watches E! and realizes that trench coat is in today, errrr for actresses) who thinks that screaming is the right oomph of becoming a host, the pointless judges, the production which sucks beyond suckdom, the overly-stretched show and the international students who were "invited" as "VIP"s (*heaving*), he found himself being wrong.

This is not a consolation prize or whathaveyou for him, this is a laughing stock, to be honest.

There are ten contestants left on the show. Let him challenge himself to remember them all.

There is this one male contestant whose performance I missed. But I couldn't care less.

There is this one male contestant that he thinks that he can pull a Jeremy Piven on Emmy 2006. From his chubby figure down to his ascot. But of course he looks more like Jeremy Piven playing let's-dress-in-the-dark-prior-going-to-Emmy-2006.

There is this one female contestant that everytime the judges said something either good or bad, she put the best fake smile on her face and said, "Makasi Mas/Mbak [insert judges' name here] ...". Oh, wait. EVERYONE was doing it. They don't make faces, they don't argue, they just ... nrimo. I guess, that's why they call it Indonesian Idol.

There is this one female contestant that looks eerily like Krisdayanti (whose husband is one of the judges) pre-cosmetic surgery. Or post. I don't know which is which.

There is this one chubby female contestant who's so naive, she even asked what naive means. WHAT THE ...?? I'm ready to go to the stage and say, "Well, honey. Apparently you're not only (pretending to be) naive, but also vocabulariedly challenged. If you can't find where vocabulariedly challenged is located in a dictionary, look under S for stupid."

There is this one female contestant that uses a couch-look-alike (interior designers, help me out, here) as a prop, and for a moment I thought she was about to do a preparation for an acrobatic yoga pose eventhough the costume was not so supportive. Oh. Her family and friends had a pretty large portrait-oriented banner that says, "[her name] the Dreamgirl". Copycatting down to the fonts and the neon designs. Margaret Cho had a perfect line when she guest-starred in Sex and the City for this: Fuck. Me. Hard.

There is this one male popcorn (translation: berondong) contestant who looks somewhat cute (from some challenging angles), but sounds reeeeeeaaaallly terrible. And that's a compliment. I bet he will end second, if not wins.

There is this one female contestant whom the mentor commented on by saying, "I can't believe there's a medical student who is so stylish." Clearly, the mentor never watched Grey's Anatomy or the Bachelor or got out of his recording studio much. When she was on stage, that "stylish" word translates directly to Ugly Betty goes to prom.

There is this one male contestant who is downright mediocre. So mediocre that I can't find any appropriate insult for him.

There is this one female contestant singing this song, to which I wondered, "Where have I heard this song?" And some seconds later, my telly showed a shot of her from an angle and it brought revelation in me. "Oh, yeah.. In that drag queen fest I watched."

There is this one male contestant with his potongan pengamen. Vocal wise and look wise. I found him pretty good, though. But of course the judges overlook him. And the stylists were so mean to him, so that he no longer looks like just some pengamen, but pengamen caught between horrible costume storm and glitter avalanche.

There is this person who keeps repeatedly calling the mentor, Harvey Malaiholo, Har-fay Malaiholo, not Har-fee. Wait, that's the female host. Harvey himself was ready to bitch slap her. Wattaaa!

Oh, he's so gonna watch the result show. Just to see who's pulling fake tears or another fake smile.

Happy watching!